Viscous’s Red Doll (WTF Shojo One Shot)

Hello all! Sylphalchemist here with my second post! Originally, I had planned on posting about a crazy shojo one-shot I read concerning an alien police officer and his side-kick G-String (yeah, his nickname when translated means “Thong.” “Banana Hammock.” “Buttfloss.” Yup…………….) but then I read Viscous’s Red Doll and changed my mind. Viscous’s Red Doll is more fucked up. Now, I have no idea if “Viscous” is the right translation. It could also be like…Viskeysous or Viskous. But since the author didn’t give me the English equivalent, I’m sticking to my biology roots and using “Viscous” as our main hero’s name.

However, in my summary, I’m calling him Bonerfart so it doesn’t matter xD

Originally published in Aka Lala.
Manga-ka: Ichinose Kaoru (Cree, this lady should be very familiar to you. You’ve read one of her one-shots…involving ghosts and violins)

Note: If you're a fan of this one-shot or this manga-ka, please don't read my post x3

Note II: Viscous’s Red Doll was a pretty hefty one-shot in terms of page count. Thus my post is...a bit long. Just giving you all a warning a head of time!

Characters:

Mary:

Mary II:

 

Viscous aka Bonerfart:

The story starts with some lady getting boned. Nice. She’s like ohohohohoho I’m just a peasant girl ~ I didn’t think a man of your statue would be interested in my commoner’s vagina. The man boning her pretty much ignores her talk and instead ogles at her hair. He then asks if she’d become his doll. Her: yes ~ Unfortunately for her, he didn’t mean kinky roleplaying. The man pulls out a knife from…somewhere and kills her.

Using a cup he grabs from…somewhere, he starts to collect the blood flowing from her stab wound. To add insult to injury, the man tells the dead woman he doesn’t want her. He’s already got someone. This “someone” is an ass creepy doll that looks like a Bratz doll only…fucked up. Smiling lovingly at the doll, the man pours the dead woman’s blood on top of its head.

“I love you, Mary. My Mary.”

…

Welp, it’s not like this can’t get any weirder, right?

…

Let’s continue!

The scene changes to a man driving a stage coach. He stops at a fancy castle in the middle of bum fuck no where to drop off his passenger - a young girl named…Mary. Mary is a peasant girl who used to work out in the fields until the man in the carriage appeared before her one day and offered her a job as a laundry woman. Mary’s guardians agreed to the proposition. They saw no reason why Mary shouldn’t go with some strange man they know nothing about for a job they don’t even know where it’s at…because they got money for giving Mary away. And what good parents won’t sell their child for money?

Mary, being a shojo heroine, is pretty optimistic about things. So what if she was pretty much sold off? Meh, this is shojo. Shit usually happens to the heroine before the good stuff starts rollin in~ Besides, opportunities like this mean a bishi is going to pop out of somewhere :3

“Who’s there?”

Yup! Right now cue!

Mary jumps in surprise. It’s a noble! She bows politely and introduces herself. The man who addressed her smiles and comments about how lovely she is. He then pulls Mary into a hug and calls her his doll. Mary freaks and is like, dude, no, hands off. I’m trailer trash. The man isn’t bothered with her low status. He’s all, so? I’m rich? I can do whatever the fuck I want. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧BTW my name is Bonerfart. Done talking, Bonerfart takes Mary inside and dresses her up all fancy…though to be honest, I think she looked better before >__> The afro is too much. But my judgment aside, Mary thinks she’s in a faerytale. Not only is she dolled up but Bonerfart wants to make her his servant ~ Sweet, right? (◕‿◕✿)

...who did her hair up like this? >___> There's only him and her

Welp…things were going good until Bonerfart sits on the couch Mary herself is currently perched on. As Mary tries to make sense of things, Bonerfart decides it’s time to get served…sexually (≖◞౪◟≖‵) He starts to kiss Mary, much to her shock. As Bonerfart gets ready to mount her like the horny stallion he is, he asks Mary why she doesn’t want to bang him ~? Is she saving her chastity for her BF? When she says no, Bonerfart asks if it’s because she doesn’t want to do it with him. Before Mary can say, HEY MAN, A FUCKING DINNER AND A MOVIE WOULD BE NICE BEFORE YOU JUMP ME! I’VE GOT STANDARDS!, Bonerfart asks Mary to be his lover. Bonerfart covers Mary’s eyes and reaches behind his back.

“This isn’t supposed to happen. Because you’re the man of my dreams.” ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

Bonerfart: (ಠ_ಠ) what?

Surprised, Bonerfart asks Mary what her name is. Mary tells him while at the same time lifting Bonerfart’s hand from her eyes. That’s when she see the knife held to her face. Seems when Bonerfart was reaching behind his back, it wasn’t to scratch his buttcrack like I had originally edsthought. It was to pull the knife from his buttcrack. Unlike Tomo from Tomo’s Scary Story, Mary gets her butt away from the weapon aimed at her. Bonerfart himself slowly gets up, looking freaked out.

“You have the same name as my doll…” ʘ ‿ʘ

On the wall behind Mary are weapons. Swords. Spears. Axes. Mary does not grab these weapons to protect herself. Instead she claws at the walls, screaming for help.

*facepalm*

As luck would have it, her flailing hands hits one of the weapons, pulling it down….causing a trap door to open. Mary promptly falls through the door, down some steps, and miraculously lands in a pool of water with no injuries at all. She sits up to find herself in some sort of canal. In the center of the room is a single bed with that fucked up looking doll from earlier.

“A red…doll?” ( ﾟ,_ゝﾟ)

Not sure what prompts Mary to look down but she does…only to see a half naked woman with her head nearly severed off floating under the water.

Mary: D8

“Is this…a nightmare!?”

As Mary fall unconscious due to shock and drowns, we re-visit her joyful younger days. Seems Mary’s father left her and her brother with his brother before falling under the curse of shojo and dying. Where is the mom? Who knows. I suspect she’s dead too. Because that’s pretty much the fate of any parent in shojo (well, that or they have business overseas). Anyway, bro’s wife is not happy with said kids. More damn mouths to feed (,,#ﾟДﾟ) She grumbles that throwing them out on the streets would have been a more prudent choice.

And of course, Maria and her brother are RIGHT there to hear the whole exchange between their uncle and his ho ass wife. Like jeez, the kids are minors…take it outside folks.

“What purpose do they have being alive!?”

o___o wow…I’ll never complain about my folks again. I’ve never had this thrown in my face before thankfully.

Eventually, Mary starts to work out in the fields (because there are no child labor laws in effect back in ye old shojo Scotland). Each day she thinks about her aunt’s words. What purpose does she have staying alive? What would give her a reason to get up in the morning? As she contemplates these dark thoughts, the sound of a carriage rumbling behind her catches Mary’s attention. She moves aside to let the carriage pass. As it does, she notices the occupant of the carriage staring out into the distance, looking regal. It’s Bonerfart! At that moment…she fell in love <3

(￣m￣) …

Back to the present ~ Bonerfart is staring down at Mary’s KO’d meat body.

“She called me the man of her dreams. Whatever do you think she meant by that, I wonder? How about we ask her? What do you say, Mary (the creepy ass doll)?”

Time passes. Mary wakes up to see Bonerfart leaning over her. “Oh thank goodness, you’re awake!” (and didn’t drown in the sewage water!). He explains the knife was just a joke lol ~ He didn’t mean to scare the shit out of her trolololol ~ They’re still friends, right?

Mary: JOKE!? THAT LADY FLOATING TOPLESS AND PRETTY MUCH HEADLESS IN THE WATER IS A JOKE TOOT!?

Bonerfart: (ಠ_ಠ) are you high?

He thinks about it for a moment. Ohhhhhhhhh, lolololol no no there’s no headless woman. There’s just this painting I have floating down here that’s ripped to hell and covered in my shitty attempts to fix it with string. See? *pull up said picture* Haha, I guess it does look like a headless lady…this is a picture of my mom BTW.

Mary: D8

Everything explained, Bonerfart skips over to Mary. “Now it’s your turn to answer a question!” He asks Mary what she meant by “man of her dreams.” Mary responds with a PIMP SLAP TO THE FACE! She then takes the opportunity to run for it. Bonerfart stares in shock for a moment before arching his back in a dramatic fashion. MY GAWDDAMN BISHI LOOKS HAVE BEEN SULLIED!

(actually, it looks like he’s fondling invisible man boobs xD)

He falls to his knees, making funny wheezing sounds. Mary, against better judgment, looks over her shoulder to see Bonerfart struggling to breath. Rather than go HA HA! SUCKS TO BE YOU! *middle finger* she instead flies back to his side, going OH MY GOSH! YOU HAVE ASTHMA, DON’T YOU!”

(ಠ_ಠ) what?

Him: (ಠ_ಠ) *affirmative wheeze*

Mary explains her brother also had asthma attacks like the one Bonerfart is currently experiencing. Back then, they couldn’t afford to buy medicine, what with her and her brother seen as unwanted parasites (Bonerfart: *dying impatient wheeze*), so she would try to calm her brother during his fits the best she could. Marty puts her hand on what looks like Bonerfart’s nipples, which some how pacifies him. Remember ladies, if your man is suffering from an asthma fit and his inhaler is like, 3 feet away (basically too far away to grab), touch his nipples. Your act can save his life.

As Bonerfart regains his ability to breath, he leans onto Mary’s shoulder. “I’m quite jealous of your brother. Cuz I’ve always been alone.”

Mary: *instant forgiveness for all the things he’s done to her*

Later, Bonerfart is sitting in the canal alone. If it weren’t for the fact his body tried to kill him earlier, he’d have killed Mary and shit would be good. Dammit. Suddenly his hand touches the spot Mary had been massaging earlier. Then he lets out a moan. He grabs his junk freaky ass doll and tells her to hurry and hug him. >___> yeah…

Thankfully the scene fades out before anything sexual weird can happen between Bonerfart and his doll…We instead view the nearly headless girl from earlier bobbing about in the canals. A figure in the distance uses a long pole to drag her over towards him before pushing the body off a sudden drop.

“This makes the 99th person. All I need is one more.”

The figure pull back his hat to reveal Bonerfart!

Mary sits up in her bed, screaming. “A…dream?” Wait, what is Mary doing in a bed? See, turns out Mary decided to stay the night at Bonerfart’s place until the morning because…she’s an idiot he reminds her of her brother and that’s a valid enough reason to stay with a dude that held a knife to her neck and sleeps in a room with a torn up picture of his mom floating in the waters nearby. You gotta love shojo heroines like Mary because then we’d never get wtf shojo stories if they went up and left. Also, Mary never expected to meet her childhood crush so she’s hoping to delay the experience a bit.

Bad move, Mary…

Mary leaves her room and starts to wander about. She realizes a bit late in the game but there are no people around.

“There isn’t anyone. They’re all dead.” ⊂(・(ェ)・)⊃

o_____o peeping around a corner is Bonerfart. Hidden with one hand is his doll Mary and hidden in the other is a knife (yeah, he looks as awkward as you are thinking). He tells Mary his family brought the deaths onto themselves and that oh it’s morning so Mary is probably off to leave, right? About that ~ Being the curious shojo heroine that she is, Mary asks what does Bonerfart mean by “brought the deaths onto themselves?”

Him: (ಠ_ಠ) gawddammi! Here I was about to shank you but now you had to go and ask me to reveal my dark past and how can I – as a troubled emo bishi - say no to that!?

Bonerfart quickly explains that his family wanted more than they had. They used whatever means necessary to get what they wanted. Even so far as to use black magic… (Mary: OH MY! *shojo flail*). However, in the end, their bad deeds did not go unpunished. Dad was killed by the queen for conspiring against her and mom went kuukuu from his death and eventually offed herself as well by jumping from a balcony. Bonerfart adds acidly that mom got her just desserts for playing with witchcraft. Then we have a flashback of Bonerfart’s mom. Indeed, she was crazy. She blamed the queen for her husband’s death and tried to summon a demon to wrack revenge against the queen (and also so mom can take the queen’s throne). One day, little Bonerfart braved his mom’s crazy room and asked her to hang with him. Mom responds by beaning him in the face with a sliced up doll she was using/tearing apart for her demon summoning. On the doll’s chest is the name “Mary” (which is also the queen’s name). Mom tells Bonerfart to go cuddle with the doll if he’s so friggin lonely and to pretty much go fuck himself.

We return to the present day where Bonerfart has revealed his doll to Mary. We see the present doll has been repaired (from the rips and tears mom made on the doll), it has a nice Forever 21 dress on, and its hair is styled by a European midget hair god on an Alaskan husky. Basically, a lot of love and care has been put into the doll. Bonerfart, wearing a creepy look on his face, decides to talk about some of the witchcraft her learned from his dear mommy.

“If you pour the blood of one person on a doll, someone will take another’s life. If you pour the blood of ten people on a doll. a demon will tell you your fortune. If you offer the blood of a hundred people, the doll will house the soul of a demon.” (ﾟ皿ﾟ)

At this point, Bonerfart is getting all levels of excited and is wheezing hard…while still wearing his creeper look. It’s actually a funny combination xD Mary tells Bonerfart to calm his tits or else he’ll have another attack. Mary’s concerned face snaps Bonerfart out of his freaky behavior.

Touching the nipples again, bro xD

I’m not sure how but the two are in a room with a window (when previously they were in a hallway >___>). Mary opens the window’s curtains and then the windows. She smiles at the light while Bonerfart is in the background going DAH LIGHT! IT BURNS! She then tells Bonerfart to move up into the room they are in. Sleeping in a fucking canal is not good for his health. Especially since he’s got asthma. Also, he needs Med Alert since no one is around to help him if he has an attack...or if he falls down and can’t get up. Just because now seems like a good time to bring this up, Bonerfart asks if Mary’s bro is dead. Really? Of all the questions, that? She just smiles sadly and instead says she and Bonerfart are kind of alike. They are both alone.

This could have ended happy, you know. If you, Bonerfart, weren't so fucked up.

Since it’s now morning,it’s time for her to GTFO of Castle Del Weird. She bows politely and starts to leave.

But something snags her hair.

Mary looks back to see Bonerfart grasping onto her locks. “You’re alone too. So stay here.” He pulls Mary to him and starts to make out with her, much to her shock. “Be by my side, Mary! BE MY DOLL!” Tired of his bullshit, Mary slaps his face for the third time (boy has a hard time understanding no = no). Unfortunately for Mary, this was one slap too many.

Bonerfart looks at Mary like she just killed his beloved puppy and took a shit on the corpse. Before Mary has time to feel bad, Bonerfart shanks her in the chest…

Slaps can only work so much Mary...

Mary: Fuuuckkkkk

Bonerfart : >:( take that ho!

For reasons unknown to us, Bonerfart drags Mary’s body down to his room in the sewers. He drips her blood from his knife into a cup and then pours the blood from the cup onto his doll (not sure why he went the extra step with the cup but I guess after 99 blood sacrifices, it’s just habit).

“Now, Mary (the doll). This is the hundredth blood sacrifice. With this, you’ll have a soul. Humans abandon me but a doll will be able to give me love.”

o__o why do I have images of a blow up doll coming to mind? xD

As this is going on, Mary – who is still alive despite her stab wound – watches Bonerfart with pity in her eyes. She feels bad for Bonerfart. He’s so lonely he killed 100 people to bring his doll to life so he’d have a friend. Awwwww, what a poor misguided fellow.

…

>___> yes…poor Bonerfart. Never mind all those women he boned and killed…That’s irrelevant.

Anyway, his ritual complete, the doll begins to transform…into a girl! (and I’m greatly amused by one panel because the author forgot to use screen-tone on the girl’s face so she looks like some valley girl who tans her whole body save her face, which is white like a WoW player’s ass xD). He did it!!!

“Come into my arms, Mary!”

Fuck no.

8D ?

Mary the demon doll tells Bonerfart he’s freaky. “You killed a lot of people! Mary saw it all!” (AND I MEAN ALL…YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. DOING THAT TO A DOLL. THAT’S CONSIDERED RAPE IN 15 STATES!). Not wanting to stick around anymore, she skips out the room telling Bonerfart he’s scary and she hates him.

Bonerfart: 8,D

Rejected by the thing he thought would love him, Bonerfart flies into an emo tantrum. WTF, MAN!? I KILLED 100 PEOPLE FOR THIS SHIT!? HELL, I SHOULD HAVE JUST PLAYED VIDEO GAMES AND WHACKED OFF TO DISCOVERY CHANNEL INSTEAD! GEEZUS!

“I just wanted someone to love me!” ; A ; *freaks out so much he starts having an asthma attack*

Mary is watching the whole thing with a :/ expression on her face (I think it’s supposed to be pity but really, all I can think is she’s admiring Bonerfart’s booty xD). I’m surprised she hasn’t died off from blood loss yet… Being the shojo heroine she is, Mary can’t stand by as someone is in pain (even if that someone stabbed her in the boob). She tells the demon or whatever force of power that turned Bonerfart’s doll into a human to use its powers to turn her into a doll.

Bonerfart: ; A ;

Demon: (ಠ_ಠ) and I’m going to do this why? Oh because we only have like 8 pages left.

The demon grants Mary’s wish. As she is turning into a Barbie, she tells Bonerfart this:

“I love you.”

Me: <_________> what!?

Mary turns into a doll. I like how the doll is thrown at Bonerfart, like, here’s you stupid doll, brat. Now STFU.

“You offered your own life…to a demon? Why? WH-”

If Bonerfart wasn’t freaking out hard enough when Mary the Doll told him to go suck his dick, he certainly is losing it now. He can’t grasp why someone would do something to this extreme for him. No, there’s a catch. People can’t be trusted. They just up and leave him behind! No one cares about him! He grabs his shanking knife from the floor and holds it over his head.

Too many feels! Losing it!!!

“It’s too late! I don’t believe it! AH! AHHHH AHHHHH AHH! MARY!!!!!”

…

Wow, taken out of context, those words make it sound like Bonerfart is fapping hard xDDDDD

The scene fades out to a village. The coach driver from earlier is walking away from a woman. Seems he’s now out of a job and is trying to find work. Upon learning the coach driver used to be employed by Bonerfart, everyone is like, oh you mean that guy that kills girls?

Really? So everyone knew he was a killer save Mary and her guardians. Wow. Or perhaps the guardians knew but were too blinded by the G’s to care?

Random lady: “I wonder, what kind of life he lived to become such a monster? He probably grew up without knowing what love is.”

As she’s talking, we go back over to Bonerfart’s place. We see him floating in the water. In his arms he cradles the new Mary doll. Embedded in his chest is his shanking knife.

...Bonerfart, why is your hand there on her left like that? That's creepy. No.

“Oh, how sad. How sad.”

Really? He killed himself? After Mary the shojo heroine gave her soul to a demon to turn her into a doll so Bonerfart can know love? Wow, way to take a shit on a shojo heroine’s act of kindness, sir…

END!

…

Well…wtf! See what happens when you don’t have tumblr to keep yourself sane?

Viscous’s Red Doll was certainly all levels of wtf. I should have known it would be like this when the first page had Bonerfart humping some lady. And I’m not sure what the moral of this story is. Don’t kill 100 chicks and offer their blood to a satanic being in sacrifice so you can have a friend? Or if you do that, make sure said friend isn’t in the room watching the whole thing? Don’t go working for strangers who look like Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle and live in the middle of bum fuck no where (especially if said stranger has rumors about him killing people!)? Don’t save people from asthma attacks - they could actually be serial killers?

Meh, any of you have an idea?